


Never Too Late

by PerserveranceNotLOVE



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst and Feels, Fix-It, Gen, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Modern Girl in Thedas, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, You Have Been Warned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:00:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21978466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PerserveranceNotLOVE/pseuds/PerserveranceNotLOVE
Summary: When all hope is gone and you can't see the light,Look for me, and I will guide you through the night.Fear not the shadows or monsters or men.And when your journey is over, you will find hope again.Big Note! 'Ware the tags!!! I will update them as needed, but especially chapter 1 is very ish!!!
Relationships: Female Inquisitor/Cullen Rutherford, Fen'Harel | Solas/Original Female Character(s), Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 31





	1. When One Story Ends...

_"-clerics in the back, keep those fighters hale and hearty! Wizards in the mi_ _-"_

The music turns off as quickly as it had turned on, courtesy of my hand quickly pressing the snooze button on my phone's alarm.

Blearily, I peek out from under my thick comforter to check the time. It takes me a moment to read the analog clock on my phone's face, but I finally process it. Huh, already eight...

The dull ache of my stomach drives me to sit up in my bed, though I don't actually intend on eating. I had hoped that I wouldn't need to take any action myself, I had hoped to simply fade from this world through hunger and thirst but... I just can't stand any of this any more.

I stand shakily, attempting to ignore the sharp pain that lances through my legs. I'm not sure what that's about and honestly, I don't care. The pain stays steady enough as I shuffle into the living room and collapse onto the couch. I ignore the bills and evicted notice piled up on top of my broken coffee table and grab my controller and remote. Within moments, the room is dully lit by the blue glow of the TV as my PlayStation whirrs to life.

The only time I ever smile nowadays is when I see the logo of Dragon Age: Inquisition, and today is no exception. As the bright green of the main menu appears, a small smile forms on my face. To be completely honest, I can't quite recall what my last Inquisitor looked like, or even what race they were. It has been a long time since I got the time to play my favorite game.

I press Load and sit back as the screen dims to show the Skyhold loading screen. It fades in to show an elf girl with honey blonde hair and bright blue simplified Mythal vallaslin that almost outshines the deep blue of her eyes. My favorite Inquisitor to make, Ellana Lavellan. It appears I left off right outside the War Room... Excellent. I can take my time and say goodbye to all of them.

I go to Josie first, and have my character interact with her and ask about her family as I apologize to her and tell her that I wish her the best.

I go next to Varric, then to Solas and Dorian and Leliana. Next, to Vivienne, and then I come back around to Cullen. Then to Cole, Iron Bull, Krem, Sutherland, Maryden, and Sera. Cassandra, Blackwall, and all of the Mage Trainers. I even stop to say goodbye to the nameless NPCs, all of the named NPCs like Adan and Halesta, and Morrigan. And finally I go to the forge and say my goodbyes to my favorite smith and arcanist. And when I've finally done all of that, I take my Ellana in a party of one to the Exalted Plains... To say goodbye to one last NPC that I respect the hell out of.

The stumps of the broken binding pillars are still there when I arrive, a glitch that I had found that makes finding the spot easier than I'd thought it would be. And I say goodbye to wisdom, adding with a laugh that I wish I had known it. No one could have ever accused me of being wise.

I guess I'm the world's most oblivious idiot because it's only now that I register the heavy, acrid smell of smoke. I glance up. There aren't any visible fires or anything burning in my eyesight, but that doesn't really mean anything. After all, there could be a fire in the floor below me... And there's no use relying on my smoke detector, that thing has been broken for almost a solid year now and my landlord won't do jack shit about it.

I decide that it doesn't really matter anyways, and go back to my screen.

Except, something is different.

A cutscene has started? It just shows my Ellana walking along the beach and stopping where Wisdom disappeared... And then my normal party shows up? What the hell? Solas, Cassandra, Varric... How did they...?

In the cutscene, Cass walks up to stand beside Ellana, "Does something trouble you, Inquisitor? You left without notice, without anyone with you."

I'm given only two dialogue options... One that says truth and one that says lie. Curious, I choose truth.

"I'm just tired, Cass. I'm useless and a waste of space." I rear back as though struck. Those aren't words my Inquisitor would say, those are...those are my words. My feelings.

They look as startled as I feel, even Ellana does. She immediately whirls around, "That...What was that? That wasn't me, those weren't my feelings!"

Solas steps forward, "Inquisitor, this place and Skyhold are both places where the veil is thin. Perhaps a spirit is attempting to speak through you?"

Varric snorts, "Chuckles, that didn't sound like a spirit. That sounded like... Well, a person."

I'm given the same two options and again, I press truth.

Ellana suddenly says, "I'm not a spirit, I'm alive. Not for long, though. I'm so tired, I just want to..." Ellana seems to wrestle control of her own mouth even as she turns bone white. It doesn't take a genius to figure out how the end of that sentence was going to end. 

Cass reaches out and steadies her, "I don't know who is saying these things, but you must fight. You cannot just give up!"

Varric chimes in, "For once, I agree with the Seeker. Death isn't the option here, kid."

Solas leans on his staff, sorrow clouding his own features, "Death is permanent. Why do you seek it? It cannot be undone."

Again, two options. And again, I choose truth. Why would I lie to them? They're the only ones I see as family.

Ellana's eyes widen as from her lips, my words spew, "I have no one, I barely am someone. I'm useless and worthless. Even if I wanted to rectify my situation, I can't anymore. I'm dying."

I pause and stare in befuddlement. I'm not dying, am I? It's only now that I realize that there actually is a haze in my apartment and that it's hard to breathe. 

I hear Ellana again while I look around for the fire, "When did it get this smokey, what's going on? I had planned for the noose, not the flames. Which idiot neighbor left their stove on again? Oh, fuck, 2B has children!"

Apparently whatever is telling my thoughts is also livestreaming them straight into Ellana's brain. I sigh and calm myself. There isn't anything I can do and the kids are at school anyways. Best to just relay my thoughts how I've always wanted to.

I pause and consider the screen again. There's truth and lie choices. I choose truth.

"I'm so sorry," Ellana speaks, looking befuddled at the words coming from her own lips. "I deeply care for all of you. I've done as best as I can to get all of you your happy endings, but I'm afraid I can't guide you any longer, my Ellana." Her eyes widen in shock.

Sharply, Cass queries, "Inquisitor, what do they mean?"

Ellana draws in on herself a bit and admits, "Sometimes, I feel something guiding me in what to say and what to do. They showed me how to do magic and guided me through some of my hardest choices... To be honest, I have always referred to them as my spirit mentor because that's what I thought it was. I never told any of you because I was scared in the beginning and then... I just didn't know how to bring it up."

"We aren't gonna judge you for your secrets, Firefly," Varric soothes, "It's a little weird that there's pretty much a second Inquisitor that makes choices and shit, but we won't judge."

"If they have led you through some of your hardest moments, they are not malevolent," Solas pipes up, likely because there's a seeker here, "You have always done your best to make wise and compassionate choices."

Cassandra frowns a bit, "While I don't know how I feel about someone unknown guiding you, I do admit that they have not steered you in a way I can find fault with."

I tear up at that, and so does Ellana. Ellana looks startled at the tears, "She's crying... Who... Who are you?"

I pick truth without even glancing twice anymore.

This time, I actually see their eyes snap over to where I am, as if they can see through the screen. If anything, the alarm on their faces grow. I'm not actually sure why until I feel heat lick at the back of my head, but I stay facing them. 

I smile wanly, "S-Savhalla? I guess I'm your... Uh, mentor. Quick tips for the future, don't fall for the Qunari bullshit, always remember that people deserve a second chance, and forgive your enemies but always remember their names. Uh, and you don't have to be alone. The people around you can help far more than you think and even help you mitigate any potential widespread danger, but only if you can bring yourself to trust them."

I keep my eyes on Ellana as I say that, but my words are targeted toward a certain egg. I crack a wider smile, "I really care for all of you. I wish I could have gotten everyone their happy ending... But sometimes, you have to make your own."

Ellana steps forward, almost unconciously, "You can... Can't you do anything? Get out, escape?"

I shrug, mentally pondering how fucking insane I must be to be talking to my fucking TV, "Even if I could, why bother? Still, I can't deny that I am kinda scared. You know, of the pain part. I had planned a relatively painless way, but I mean, what works works I guess. Sorry I disrupted y'alls lives, I didn't really realize y'all were real, otherwise I would have just left Ellana at Skyhold."

Cass is shaking her head before I'm even finished, "You did not disrupt us. Why do you feel this way? Why couldn't you have fought?"

I shrug again, "Probably depression. Depression is when certain chemicals in your brain say fuck you and make you feel the way I do. It's a pain in the ass, but as long as you have people who care around you, it can be mitigated. Humans thrive through physical contact and positive interaction, after all."

It's funny how I'm so reasonable and clear headed while dying, and I laugh at that. The laugh turns into a hacking cough. The smoke has gotten thicker, and I'm sure that the burning in my lungs is significant but I pay it no heed, "I'm sorry. I'm going to turn off the PS4 now. I don't want any of y'all to see this next bit, I've heard that burnt bodies can get pretty gruesome."

I hear both Ellana and Varric call out for me to wait, but I exit out of DAI and turn my PS4 off. I lay down on the couch, utterly uncaring of the intense heat I feel as I do so.

A chuckle slips out of me, which intensifies until I'm cackling hysterically, desperately attempting to draw in enough breathe to fuel it and my lungs. It doesn't really work all that well and I lay there wheezing laughter, lungs burning and body shaking.

I die laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song used in the beginning is called Never Split the Party and it's freaking amazing, especially for all you TTRPG players out there.


	2. Another One Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of last chapter and meeting people. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I know absolutely jack shit about fires or dying in them.

The first thing I notice is the lack of heat, the almost painful coolness of a breeze gently washing over me.

_"Can you hear me?"_

The next thing I notice is the rocks digging into my back, so unlike the soft springiness and then molten metal of my cheap couch. I hadn't known that a simple apartment fire could get hot enough to melt wire framing. I guess the metal was cheaper than I thought.

_"You died, little one. I am sorry I cannot allow you to rest, but there is much I need your aid in."_

I remember flesh burning, melting... I remember lungs struggling to breathe and lips shaping hoarse laughter... I remember...

I died.

_"Yes. And now you must live on instead of rest. I truly am sorry, child."_

I open my eyes.

Bright light makes my eyes water and I instinctively grip the ground below me harder, rocks cutting into my palms slightly. A woman wreathed in light sits next to me. I can't quite see her, but she seems... Familiar.

She reaches out and gently touches my cheek, _"I leave the fate of this world to you. May you guide them with firm hands and a gentle heart, little one."_

I mold dry lips and a dryer throat into saying in little more than a croaked whisper, "Who...are you...?"

She leans down and kisses my forehead, and I have to close my eyes against the bright light.

_"I am the flame that holds the people of this world together under a common banner. I am the mother that guides her children through dark and twisted paths. I am a singer, and a lover, and a warrior. Do not fear anything of this world, little one, for I am with you."_

The light outside my eyes seems to dim and I open them slowly. She's not there any longer, and I stare up at a cloudless blue sky. I can still feel her hand, soft and tender, against my cheek...

I sit up.

The rocks under me apparently belong to a rocky beach, and I can see that rocks and yellow grasses and small swelling hills roll out further inland. And not two feet from me is a white and glassy pillar, broken into crumbling ruins...and very familiar.

I don't think I can process that, so I turn to the river to get a drink, dragging myself until I can dip my head into the blessed water and take a long draught of what is undoubtedly the least sanitary water I've ever drunk from in my life. It's as I'm pulling my head back up to take a breath that I pause and catch a glimpse of myself.

I still look like me.

Same hair, same eyes, same freckles dotted across every inch of me. And whole. Not a single burn mars the skin, none of my scars seem to be there. I check my arm, running trembling fingers across the back of my hand and to the back and front of my wrist to try to find the scars from a dog bite. No dice.

I dip my face back into the river, intent on drinking enough water to ruin my stomach.

Finally, after I've drunk enough to sate ten men's thirsts, I sit up and take stock of my situation.

I died.

I'm alive.

And I am pretty sure I'm in the Exalted Plains.

For a moment, hope wells up in me. I can help them! I know things, I can help them win! I can show Solas another way! I can...

I can...

I can't.

I'm useless at best, a complete burden. I don't know the first thing about survival in a medieval type of world! I can't be any use to anyone if I'm dependant on others for survival.

I shake off my thoughts. I can figure out a plan later, I need to take stock of what I have now.

I'm wearing the clothes I died in, just some sweatpants and a black tee shirt. Neither are burned, but they both seem to carry a smell of smoke. I reach into my sweatpants pockets. I have a pocket knife that I'm pretty sure was not in my pockets when I died, a roll of faux leather cord, and a stone. 

It's just a little round stone but it glows subtly with an inner light. Just holding it up to look at it reminds me of that woman and her gentle touch and sorrowful words. The glow pulses in time like a heartbeat, and I end up curled around it and staring at it.

I'm pathetic.

The glow shifts and seems to remind me of how I managed to take care of myself despite being essentially thrown into the adult world with nobody to help me. How I'm now in a similar situation, but I've yet to panic. I am far from pathetic.

I'm useless.

The stone itself hums a tune, almost inaudible. It's a song of knowledge, of forgotten skills and rusty abilities that still are very useful. It reminds me of the tools I have at my disposal just by being me. I am not useless.

Nobody wants me. Nobody cares.

The warmth from the stone spreads through my whole body, reminding me of days spent sprawled out and laughing in front of a afire while Papaw took down another of my cousins. Of a loving hug and a thick comforter. Of the words that Ellana, Solas, Cassandra, and Varric spoke to me. I am wanted, I have been wanted. They care.

It isn't my fault that I was made to feel this way. It was depression and harsh words that cut into my soul and left me bereft of any protection against the cold numbness of The Gray. It isn't my fault. I...am worth something?

I am...somebody.

I realize with a start that I can't breathe or see, tears blinding me and sobbing gasps ripping out every last shred of oxygen in my lungs. And I suddenly realize that there's a hand against my back, firmly rubbing small circles as a quiet voice murmurs soothing words.

"Focus on what is here. Feel the ground, the breath in your lungs, fabric rustling against your skin..."

I manage to quiet myself for the most part, though my running nose means I have to sniff every now and again. I lift eyes bleary from tears to lock with his own gaze.

He smiles softly at seeing me calm down.

"Good. You are alright. There is no true danger here. You are safe."

My eyes shutter closed at his words, bowing my head from both sudden exhaustion and embarrassment from anyone seeing my freakout. His touch on my back moves to my shoulder, a comforting weight there.

"It could be overwhelming for anyone... But I am glad to see you alive."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The words Solas uses are from this little gem: https://corseque.tumblr.com/post/153461563057


End file.
